What's the Point?? part2

My original plan for these mini-series of posts was for each one to be posted closer together and not 6 weeks apart, I suppose that's because I have not had much time for myself, mainly due to the demand by others.

It was around the time I wrote Part 1, that I walked into The New Inn and announced that I was done! Yep done with it all, fed up with the constant ant-trans piss taking going on at venues by other teams, pub patrons  and 1 or 2 of my so called team mates, yes I said team mates. Fed up with the constant having to level the table due to a broken thread on the table adjustment leg, and that every week they move it so they can have live music where the table is, and not levelling it up when they move it back. Fed up with the constant bickering that some of the team have with match ref's, and the lack of team comradely that we had before the barrage of lockdowns.

Being Team Captain, was an easy job, 90% of the time, the team would turn up, we would all be supporting each other and having a really nice time, so giving up a few hours a week to organise things was worth it, I know this last season we got promoted to Division 2, and a few of us felt out of place, not many of us won our singles games but considering we are punching above our weight, I think we did well.

I would have loved to keep playing pool, and stayed as Captain, but with the constant stress of transportation and the lack of enthusiasm from some of the team, the constant having to go and find players because they are off doing god knows what and have no idea it's their turn to play (OK that's a lie, but I'm not posting why ), toppled with what's been going on with me, my endless feeling of abandonment, my continued self disgust at having to have Jasper put down, toppled with the look he gave me, I don't see why I should do everything for everyone else and yet receive no support in any form in return.

The funny thing is, the pool team and landlord knew 6 weeks ago, that I was done, and not one person has been bothered to get the team registered for next season, or even tried to talk to me and get me to stay!!! I suppose that says a lot about the team!!!

Since the lockdowns the only reason I have/had to leave home, was to play pool, walk Jasper or to go and fix someone's boiler, no one ever rings me up to say "hi", "put the kettle on - I'm on my way round", or "We're of to the pub are you coming?", with the exception of 1 or 2 friends. The scariest thing I will say, is the a handful of my customers know more about what's going on in my life than my friends!!! 

The funny part about that last paragraph is, that yesterday whilst fixing a customers heating system, they asked if I would like to see the New Year in with them, as they are getting two new puppies and know how much I love dogs.

I'm a typical engineer, I look at the issues and try to find solutions, with what I have typed above and in nearly all my previous posts, what becomes more and more blatant, is that I am seen for what I do, and what I do for others. Not who I am!!!

I personally don't see a way out from under the heavy burden that I am constantly feeling. Okay I do, and it isn't a cry for help, I won't finish myself off as I don't like letting people down, and currently the only person I would be letting down is my son, and I could never do that to him.

There may be a Part 3, I am unsure at the moment, but as it's New Years Eve in 2022 and I shall be spending it on my very own for the first time (no puppy to see in the new year with), I really need to stay away from these dark posts.

Happy New Year.