Recap of 2018

If I was to be asked "what I would be doing or experiencing in 2018", this time last year, I can honestly say not one of those amazing times that I have had, would have come to mind.

I had my hair cut and styled at the hair dressers into a more feminine style, after the hairdresser was done, I was fighting the tears, yes tears, they was joyful tears too as I never thought for one moment that I could ever look that feminine without some sort of make up on, I now go back there every 3 months, yep welcome to a whole new world.

I had my hair styled that way especially for one of my bikers wedding reception. I was so honoured to have been invited and I was extremely nervous, but the evening was amazing, and it will always remain in one of my fondest memories.

Work wise, things trickled along, and I bought a 2nd van, that is a little scary, what with another financial commitment, although we haven't really increased turnover, it has enabled me to take things a little easier over the past 8 months.

Oh and talking of financial commitments, I ended up trading Suzie (my GSX600F for a new Z1000SX - Toothless as I have named him) so that, in itself, adds a new side of scary commitments to my life. But hey, I get a tonne of pleasure riding and "my bikers" are an amazing bunch, and I hold them so very very close to my heart.

This took a massive amount of courage on my part, and that I never thought would happen, well not in Boringstoke. That night I met the most amazing people from the Basingstoke LGBT scene.

For the first time in my life I actually made it to Trans Pride in Brighton, the day after I collected Toothless as I wanted to ride to Brighton as it's more fun, it was a shame I didn't get there till the afternoon, but lets hope I manage the weekend in 2019, but it was amazing and I managed to bump into a fair few really close friends, most of them was extremely drunk lol.

I also made Reading Pride, and although, due to a very heavy hangover and having to work in the morning, I did get there and had a fantastic day, I'm so looking forward to this years Pride as it is only a train ride away.

Before the wedding in March you may remember I went on a stag night for the biker that I attended the wedding reception for. That blog is in there somewhere on here incase you fancy a read, but from that night out, drinking in Basingstoke, was something I thought I would never do again.

Not many people know that I have never liked myself from my mid teens, and one of the ways I used to cope with being Trans, was to distance myself from a lot of really lovely people and very close friends. I never kept in touch with old school friends. I especially closed myself off from a lot of supportive people when I was going through my divorce, as I know the rumours about me had been circulated around. It was later on, roughly around 12 years ago when I bumped into a lady, who I used to drink with. She told me that the rumours about me, had been mentioned down the Hair & Hounds, at that time, and I had an idea that it was case at that time, which was why I sort of disappeared from my old local. So I did what I thought was the right thing to do. We all have our own ways of coping, mine was to become a loner, someone who would go over board to hide who they are, and to scare away anyone who might get too close, so they couldn't figure out who I really am. I especially wouldn't connect with anyone that could break my heart, more so, if my heart got broken because they found out about me. It happened twice before, the first time it actually broke me. I mean it really broke me, and she knew before we got married.

So being that I closed myself off from some amazing friends, you could say I was extremely astounded and extremely excited, when I got messaged from a few of the lovely ladies I had the pleasure of drinking with from back in the day. This small group, who I always sort of classed as my surrogate sisters, sisters who I wanted to be like, was truly heart warming. It is a shame I never had the courage to tell them about me, but this was brought on, through my own fears of being rejected. Not because I didn't trust them, or that they wouldn't understand but because of the way things were going for me at the time, and I couldn't risk that.

Things have gone a little crazy over the last 6 months of 2018.

So The New Inn, reopened under new management, and lets be honest, with all the pubs closing down over the years, this is something that is truly inspiring. Even more so, as every Friday they host a LGBT night, called Frigay. As a venue that is a safe space, and is walking distance, yes even in 4" heels, it has sort of become a second home.

It isn't just because they hold the Frigay nights either, the staff and locals have made us all feel so very welcome, these people who I hold in very high regard, and love so much.

So going there on any night, even quiz nights, is something I really, really look forward too as everyone is so welcoming.

If you read the post about the stag party, you might remember I was absolute crap on the pool table, which was a surprise even to myself that night, however, obviously down pub, I started playing again, which has been extremely exciting.

My son came back just before Christmas for a night, and actually came out with me to the pub, this to me, is such an emotional and amazing thing. I am very proud of my son, and I know it has been hard for him, even though he has't said much over the years. This night out was the first time we did something together out in public, which is truly awesome. His girlfriend and him have bought a puppy called Albie, who is a real cutie.

I am not sure I have blogged about this, but my self-esteem, my belief in myself, would not be where it is now, if it wasn't for a certain someone. Especially with the regard to having some amazing nights on the town and yes in Basingstoke. To actually getting me on a bus, yes I said bus. This amazing, inspirational woman, for whom I will forever hold a very special place in my heart. Probably without even knowing it at the time, she has helped me get past so many of my own fears, which has made the past year so amazing and the future even more exciting.

Knowing half my audience the way I do, especially those who are reading this blog to find out what exciting news I have for you all after my recent post on Facebook, are probably wondering if I have found myself in a relationship???

Unfortunately, I am going to have to say no, I am not in a relationship!!!

I know, what a tease I am lol. You will all just have to wait to see if my status on Facebook changes to say I'm in a relationship

Christmas was an amazing this year. Instead of being sat at home with Jasper and a microwavable dinner, Jasper and I shared Christmas day with some very amazing people, who are more family than they are friends, and every single person that was there, brightens up my day, they are just truly amazing people.

At the moment there is a nasty flu bug that's going round, everyone I know is suffering from it, and I, myself have had this thing since November. It is driving me up the wall, and I think it's doing the same for everyone else who has it. I'm normally pretty good at shifting colds, usually within the first week, but this just keeps coming back to bite one on the ass.

So what is in store for 2019???

I hope pretty much the same exciting times that have happened in 2018 and more.

Maybe love will finally find me! ;-) Seriously though as much as I would so love that, it would scare the hell out of me, especially as I have been celibate since 2001. It's not that I do not have faith in whoever falls in love with me and vice-versa, but I have been on my own for ages and it scares me that I would ruin things.

So as I mentioned earlier about going out and drinking in Basingstoke, and it is something, that I never thought I would do again. I found myself playing more and more pool down The New Inn.

I particularly do not think I'm that good, I have some seriously amazing moments, and ok if I am being big headed I do have some game most of the time. So as it happens, a coupe of people at the pub used to play for the Hair & Hounds as well, yes I do remember them - yikes lol.

So the landlady mentioned that she wanted to get a Pool team together, and, well I wouldn't say stupidly, but I suppose more drunken bravado, mentioned I was Captain of the Hard & hounds B team at one stage. So The New Inn has a pool team, called 'Sticks & Chicks'. With a lot of very, very amazing players, yes I am one of them too.

Now why this is so amazing and scary at the same time, and will really help with my personal development, is that, obviously we have to play other pubs in the league, and that those games will be played at home and away. That means going into pubs I never, ever would have seen myself walking through the door again. What makes this even more so exciting is that, I'm the Team Captain. Yep I know right. If I'm honest I don't really have the time to be Captain, but I do like a challenge, and I do really think that this will be something amazing for my development.

What is super scary is that I will have to talk to the other teams.

So how amazing is that???

I do find that I have the faith, ability and self-respect in my own ability in over coming my own self doubt and fears which if I am honest were unfounded. This time last year, I would not have foreseen any of this. I only have one person to thank so, so very much xXx