Maybe Reality is Just a Smack in the Face!!

Have you ever had a really good plan? Something that you really want to do? Made a decision that you just want to get on with??

Then it all falls down!!! Or something happens to disappoint!!

Well obviously I have, and those that read my blogs, would have seen what mine are. This week I seem to have fallen from Cloud 9 with a bit of a bump.

Lets get the good stuff out the way first...

So my favourite hairdresser has me booked in to cut and style my hair, I am really looking forward to it. Whilst I was chatting with her and her mum, her mum pointed to my boobs, which are now, finally starting to grow, should of stopped smoking ages ago, anyway they are starting to get a bit bold and show themselves though my work t-shirt. We had a good laugh as I thought it was just blokes that looked at your chest when talking to you  ( I know she'll read this and laugh  )

I have managed to find a local, albeit very new company that is doing Laser in Basingstoke with a very new machine, I have done a bit of homework and this seems to be a good move for me. Electrolysis is very slow and expensive, and I  just want that facial fluff gone, The lady that is running this new local firm, seems cool, I haven't mentioned why I want it doing, just that I NEED it gone. So for £70 a session for the whole face and neck ( you know where I mean) I think thats good, especially as the machine she is using, only came out 6 months ago. (LOL unlike some of use who came out years ago )

I have my first treatment tomorrow. Yay. and yes I am doing this in conjunction with Electrolysis as the laser won't get those dam white ones lol

OK glad thats over now for the stuff that's got my goat this past week.

So I'm a Service Agent for a certain boiler manufacture and I will obviously need to tell them about me, so I decided I would tell my local rep first. He is someone who has known the other side of me for years. This guy is very hard at the best of times to get hold of, and I mentioned to him I need to have a chat, we agreed that we would meet up in Starbucks and have a natter yesterday, So I didn't book in any work for Thursday, and on Wednesday I sent him a text just to see what time was good for him.

The day after I called him to arrange yesterdays meeting, which was a few weeks ago, I mentioned it to Plumbase and said if he calls tell him, he needs to speak with me, even though they know, they understand that this is my place to speak with the rep, and no one else, and on a plus side they know that I would appreciate their discretion until I have legally changed my name (then its all guns blazing in the merchants :-) ) Anyway he phoned them the next day and I was told he sort of guessed about me, although, they said he needs to talk with me.

So on thursday I expected a text or phone call saying when we would meet up. Yeah that never happened, to be perfectly honest, although the Me conversation is important, I also wanted to have a chat about expanding my coverage area, increasing the job costs and getting a guaranteed amount of calls a month. The idea being so I can take on another Gas Engineer and expand it so that I wasn't always running around like a blue arsed fly, and that apart from my best customers, I probably would not go out on the tools, but organise from the comfort of my (cough) office.

I never heard anything back!!! I did mention that he is a hard person to get a hold of, and I know that, but me being me, it just wound me up. That night, when I got in, after sorting out a leak in the afternoon, I checked my emails, I usually junk any that start of with "We are looking for a Gas Engineer in the RG area" as they tend to be a "pay us £5k for a years guaranteed work" type of emails. Anyway this email said Basic £32k and OTE £42k van, benefits etc.

So today I gave them a call. To be perfectly honest, and I pretty much am most of the time, I was intrigued, who was this company? and the fact that I have been thinking that my monthly take home pay would be 10 times more if I was just stacking shelves in Morrisions. So I had a chat with this guy and now I have to send in a CV. The few big problems with that, I am committed to another 3 years Hire Purchase on my current van, and that how would this affect my journey to being me?

So when I got home I googled them for some dirt and to see what else they do, as it turns out there isn't that much, and I couldn't find any info about their equality opportunities, but I guess that would just be a case of seeing the contract, if I pass the 2hr assessment in a training centre, which tbh I hate those environments. I did manage to find that they do use sub-contractors, so guaranteed income is more what I am looking for and that I can take as many jobs as I need, so I might even look into that next week.

So back to the rep... not hearing anything back is usual for him, and even though I was thinking, if he's guessed and is ignoring me because of it, then to be honest, I don't think I want to carry out the work for them anymore, well atleast for the moment, and I'm not to go out of my way to carry out the work thats is assigned if it means I'm pulling 14hr days and working weekends, (we have the opportunity to decline calls and then they have to try and get another engineer to cover them). So today I had a painful day carrying out some of my own work, and a lot of travel as well. Whilst we was in Marlow, I saw another job had come in but as I'm not working the weekend, something I am now going to try and stick to, I cancelled the call, especially as I can't make it within 24hrs. About an hour later I got a call from the rep and a text. I shall call him tomorrow, but as far as I'm concerned now, I'm not going to tell him, even though I almost told one of the staff who phoned me just after Christmas. I don't feel that I want to involve them and I do love their boilers, but I can't keep working a J.O.B (Just Over Broke) when I have so much to pay out for. If I can't get a decent pay and decent hours then whats the point!!!

It is very hard for any trans person to tell someone about ones self, especially in the building industry. For me, telling some people, is really easy, most people know that I can talk the hind legs of a donkey, but telling men, is so hard, I sort of know why and I'm certainly not getting into that tonight, but lets face it, when one makes that decision to tell someone, it is really hard from our perspective to get the words out in the right way so that person can understand, and as not everybody will handle it the same way, It is one of the scariest things to do. So during the whole "stressing myself out all week about telling the rep", which was causing me some sleepless nights, I had a slip up with the stop smoking. I had a cigarette this afternoon, Sue, if your reading this you can blame you mum, I asked if I could nick one and she said yes, tbh I needed it, and she isn't to blame, and I should know better, but she's an angel and I did really need it. The good news is, I didn't go and buy any, and cold turkey is a bitch!!!