Bump in the Road!

Last week seemed to be going really well, as most of you know, facial hair removal is a long a slow process, and that being a plumbing/heating engineer, does mean that I will not cake on foundation for work, and every female plumber I know, says the same. So last week, I decided I would leave my nails painted, I honestly don't care about being miss-gendered, as long as it's not spiteful or malicious, and there are times, when I will never look as good as I do for work, than what I do, when going out. So last week, I decided I would leave my finger nails, with the purple gel gloss finish, a colour that I love, to be displayed all week. This has been a bit of an eye opener in public and around fellow trades, despite the wearing of the varnish, I still felt better in myself. Sounds silly I know, but it's one way to say," yes I may look like this for work, but this is me, I am still here". There are times that one needs to do that. Without the need to grow my facial hair for electrolysis, I seemed pretty happy with the way the week went, with regards to peoples perceptions, and on Saturday, not one person asked about my nails, which was kinda cool.

So with all the messing about today, we didn't even cover the apprentices wage, normally that is fine, we can have an easy day, but this has been going on for way too long.

I was having a chat with a customer today, I was a bit apprehensive, when I told them about me last year, and as they are the parents of one of my old apprentices, it was a bit weird. When I said I changed my name today, I had this uneasy feeling, this feeling I have had a few times over the past few months, it's a bit hard to explain, but I will give it ago ;-) So have you ever said anything to someone and get a feeling that they are being overly polite to say anything? That they listen and nod and show some interest, but you can tell from their facial expression and general body language, they are not happy with whats being said? That's what I seem to have been sensing.

I have also "had it" with certain people, they will never know about me, which is a good thing. Anyway earlier today I popped onto "his" Facebook page, mainly just to see what my boy has been posting up, he isn't on my Facebook page, I don't know why, and I'm not mentioning it to him again. That and topped with a conversation from his mum, not too long ago, I do have this bad feeling he's not ok with things. To be honest, I did expect a slight issue or reluctance, he does seem ok chatting on Telegram, and thats all we seem to do these days. I suppose it could have be a reaction similar to the way I treat my Dad, but my reasons for that, have nothing to do with his transition, it was and always has been the way I was treated growing up and the way my Mum, (may she rest in peace) was treated during their divorce. Anyway, so on Facebook, my so called family friends, that I have known since I was five, posting images of work being done, bathrooms, kitchens and boiler changes, whilst that isn't an issue, it would have been nice, if I was asked to quote for that work, and this sort of thing makes me feel like shit. So I decided to unfriend them, I'm not interested in them, they have never bothered with me since my mum passed away, I never sent them a friends request to start with, so I honestly, don't see the issue. In a way yes I am erasing my past life, in one way, thats good right? Or with an uncertain future, is it???

I was hoping to go to Sparkle this year, last time I was there was in 2012, I did book a hotel for 2015, but lost that money as I ended up working. This year, I am a little smarter, I decided not to book anything, although over a month ago, I nearly did book a hotel, but as things are turning out. It is a real good job I didn't. Even if I could afford the hotel, I could not afford the fuel to get there, least of all, drinks and dining out.

That coupled with the fact that I will be unable, again to have a holiday, even the 2 nights in a hotel, which allows and caters for dogs and owners, which was something I was really hoping to do, and it would have been fun taking Jasper away fro his first proper holiday, makes one start to ponder!

I will not be on as many motorbike ride outs this year, health issues, both physical and mental are causing the rides to become a little dangerous, and more than anything, extremely painful. I was looking at maybe getting a new motorbike, but if I am honest, I can't even afford to feed myself, so why the hell should I commit to another HP agreement!!! Apart from the constant pain in my neck from the whiplash in March, with the inability to get my head round quick enough to see where I want the bike to go, I am also having trouble changing gears in the van, and, whilst working on a boiler last Saturday, I had a lot of trouble trying to use my left hand, so driving home from Aylesbury proved to be extremely painful, This has been going on for about a month. I have no idea if this is related to the accident in the van, but it is something that is affecting all parts of my life.

There is one event thats planned, that I will not miss this year, that's Kerry's Birthday party. Apart from that, I have nothing to look forward too. So with the lack of a decent amount of work, that's actually going to earn a wage and cover the overheads. I do not see this year being a good year for myself, and like before, hair removal will have to stop for a while, and that is something I will not be happy with.

So whilst last week was an exciting and spiritually lifting experience, the slightest bump, and it all comes crashing down! Well, thats what it seem, to me.

Who said life was easy? Oh I know... and thats for another time.

xXx