Been a Long Time Coming!

The last blog I posted I mentioned I saw Dr C, the private specialist who is in charge of my well being during my transition.
I was prescribed hormones and had started taking them, fortunately for me they are not pills, they are basically patches which lasts for three days then I have to replace it,
Those that know how busy I get, would know that the patches are a good thing.
So I had given up smoking, which helps.
I had noticed a difference, my skin was feeling softer, and hair regrowth was reduced.
However one of the downsides was my nails weren't growing as fast and that the would break easily, thats the only bad point so far lol.
As a result of being on them, I feel more relaxed and a lot more calmer, mainly because I was more at ease with being myself, instead of having to hide who I was, which usually meant that I would over compensate, and try to hide me, which nine times out of ten would lead to me being more "macho"!!! (and that's not a good thing).

So in May, I had the biggest piece of bad news/luck to have ever received in my whole life, which would and has changed my whole world.
My Mum passed away at the young age of 61. She is constantly missed and I will forever lover her.

I'm glad I started my travel to being me when she was alive, I do know she wasn't happy with it, I had heard that from a third party but she never showed them to me.
I think her concerns, those were based upon the history of my dad, who transitioned back in the 90's. She never talked to me about about them, and I wish she had.

From the conversations we had, it turned out that she never knew about the time my dad caught me when I was 15 and the conversation he had with me.
When I told her she was in tears and asked why didn't I speak to her about it, I won't go into that here but lets just say I was told not to speak to her about it during that conversation with my dad. It was the turning point in my life when I became more aggressive and arrogant in certain situations.

My mum was very supportive, and I'm really going to miss our chats, she died the day before my son's last exam at university, she missed his graduation and we all knew how much she wanted to be there.

One of the biggest things I'm going to miss is that my son talked to her more than he talks to me, which isn't a problem, I know I'm not always the easiest person to talk to, not because I don't listen, but mainly because I analyse the situation and present logical solutions, usually they are not want anyone wants to hear, you can't take the engineer out of a person, ;-)
However, that being said, I still haven't talked to my son, about me, and I know thats going to be the one of the hardest things to do, but I'm more afraid that he'll have no one to talk to about it once I have talked to him, now that my mum isn't here.

So after my mum passed away, I have felt continually lost, I stopped taking the hormones due to family shit, and that I would have to be strong for everyone around me. It wasn't that I couldn't cope with everything being on them, I just didn't want my son finding out whilst we was working together, as that was the only way I could help him financially, to get his deposit for his flat and clothes to start his new job.

I mentioned above that I feel continually lost, that is true, Its almost the end of November and I still feel like that, and its about everything that is going on in my life, work, and play, although I have started to get things back on track.
I'm back on the hormones, I started that back in October, and they are now prescribed by my GP, which is cool.

I have also started IPL, for hair removal, I have only had 1 session so far, the next one is due on Tuesday, it isn't cheap, but OMG I have noticed a dramatic reduction already, most people say that it takes ages to reduce and stop the hairs from growing back but, I have seen a massive drop, from having to epilate once a week everywhere to shaving once a week, which doesn't sound too impressive but to be me, I would have to shave every 2 days, so its so worth it.

So apart from my insomnia being back and a massive pain in the rear, smoking again since my mum passed away, and the lack of work coming in, I am peachy - sort of